Freedom to Fly...
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
A House of My Own
9. Every night. Without fail. My roommates are in bed.
They're not sleeping, necessarily, but feel the need to hide away, leaving me the house to myself essentially.
Why complain? Wouldn't this be grand?
As a matter of fact it sucks.
Example #1:
Tonight was my first night of my world religions class. It ran 7-10. My original hope was to walk there, but have them pick me up so as not to have to walk 6 blocks in the dark through a high concentration of college housing. But that was too much to ask. I was instead forced to drive myself, park on the street (hoping that I didn't do it illegally because regulations here are CRAZY) 1 1/2 blocks away from campus and walk. Which is fine in the daylight. But at 10pm? That was creepy. Someone was keeping pace with me the whole time about 20 paces back. That never happens. I walk slowly due to my short legs so everyone seems to pass me. I was a little spooked. Coincidence probably, but still uncomfortable.
Example #2:
I'm having a hard time adjusting to living on my own. I miss my family. I miss companionship. I MISS MY DOGS LIKE CRAZY! As a consequence, I have not been sleeping well. I usually don't fall asleep until 1am. This means that from 9pm-1am I am alone. And I don't feel like the house is mine. I feel like the closest thing to being mine is my room, but not even that is very comforting. I was initially afraid of them being up later than me, but its completely reversed. And they have the room off the living room, so I feel like I shouldn't be out there to avoid disturbing them. The walls are also thin, so I hear them sometimes. One day they thought it would be funny to knock on the wall. I was asleep until then. I was not happy. My room is small and I start to feel claustrophobic.
To complicate matters, I'm living with my best friend. So I feel if I bring any of this up it could cause a rift in our friendship. I don't want to do that. I feel like I'm stuck. I really don't know what to do. I just want the year to be over.
My landlord allows small pets. Yes, even small dogs. I'd love for this to mean I get a dog. Housetrained already, small, needing a home. It would add a sense of comfort for me, and make me feel like I'm not entirely alone. Ever since 5th grade, all through middle school and high school, I battled depression, and my dogs were my comfort. They can calm me down during the worst of times. Kels is cool with it, but Gayl seems to be incredibly against it. I don't even know why. I feel like this isn't my house, but more like I'm living in their house. I don't care for it. Where we have differences (dining, groceries, etc) my way, the standard I'm used to, seems to always be cast aside for theirs. Its making the adjustment just that much harder.
I don't feel like I belong here. At all. I feel like the campus is too big, this house isn't mine, and a lot of the students are fake. Knowing that I have advancement opportunities if I were to have continued at my previous job makes the entire transition that much more difficult. I can't find a job. I had a job. I could have that job back in an instant if I wanted. I liked that job. Why am I here? Granted, I want to have a career outside of Chula, but if its this difficult and terrible, I'm not so sure its worth it.
They're not sleeping, necessarily, but feel the need to hide away, leaving me the house to myself essentially.
Why complain? Wouldn't this be grand?
As a matter of fact it sucks.
Example #1:
Tonight was my first night of my world religions class. It ran 7-10. My original hope was to walk there, but have them pick me up so as not to have to walk 6 blocks in the dark through a high concentration of college housing. But that was too much to ask. I was instead forced to drive myself, park on the street (hoping that I didn't do it illegally because regulations here are CRAZY) 1 1/2 blocks away from campus and walk. Which is fine in the daylight. But at 10pm? That was creepy. Someone was keeping pace with me the whole time about 20 paces back. That never happens. I walk slowly due to my short legs so everyone seems to pass me. I was a little spooked. Coincidence probably, but still uncomfortable.
Example #2:
I'm having a hard time adjusting to living on my own. I miss my family. I miss companionship. I MISS MY DOGS LIKE CRAZY! As a consequence, I have not been sleeping well. I usually don't fall asleep until 1am. This means that from 9pm-1am I am alone. And I don't feel like the house is mine. I feel like the closest thing to being mine is my room, but not even that is very comforting. I was initially afraid of them being up later than me, but its completely reversed. And they have the room off the living room, so I feel like I shouldn't be out there to avoid disturbing them. The walls are also thin, so I hear them sometimes. One day they thought it would be funny to knock on the wall. I was asleep until then. I was not happy. My room is small and I start to feel claustrophobic.
To complicate matters, I'm living with my best friend. So I feel if I bring any of this up it could cause a rift in our friendship. I don't want to do that. I feel like I'm stuck. I really don't know what to do. I just want the year to be over.
My landlord allows small pets. Yes, even small dogs. I'd love for this to mean I get a dog. Housetrained already, small, needing a home. It would add a sense of comfort for me, and make me feel like I'm not entirely alone. Ever since 5th grade, all through middle school and high school, I battled depression, and my dogs were my comfort. They can calm me down during the worst of times. Kels is cool with it, but Gayl seems to be incredibly against it. I don't even know why. I feel like this isn't my house, but more like I'm living in their house. I don't care for it. Where we have differences (dining, groceries, etc) my way, the standard I'm used to, seems to always be cast aside for theirs. Its making the adjustment just that much harder.
I don't feel like I belong here. At all. I feel like the campus is too big, this house isn't mine, and a lot of the students are fake. Knowing that I have advancement opportunities if I were to have continued at my previous job makes the entire transition that much more difficult. I can't find a job. I had a job. I could have that job back in an instant if I wanted. I liked that job. Why am I here? Granted, I want to have a career outside of Chula, but if its this difficult and terrible, I'm not so sure its worth it.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Packers, Bikes, and Construction
I've been in Oshkosh for about a week now. I'm completely overwhelmed. This, in part, has led to my delinquency on my blog.
Packers. I've moved to a house located ~45 minutes from the heart of Packer country. Naturally, this would affect even the slightest of football fans. Last Thursday my beautiful roomie and I enjoyed the final preseason game. It was stressful, fun, and intense. But it was just preseason so it didn't really count, other than giving us a few new players to look for, and pray that Rogers never gets hurt. The second string quaterback is acceptable, but not ideal, while the third string is simply atrocious in my opinion. I don't even play football and know that the object of the game is to move the ball forward (He went to throw and upon pulling his arm back ended up sending the ball sailing backward. He then failed to notice and followed through with his arm, suddenly wondering where in the world the ball went.). Well tonight was opening night of the entire NFL and luckily it went much better. I'm happy to report that my beloved Packers won the game, and Drew Brees looked to be on the brink of tears at the end of the game. =] Go Pack go!
Bikes. Well, my house is 5 blocks from the closest building on campus, which equates to a 15-25 minute walk depending on where I'm headed and how busy traffic is. I cross two busy streets, the first being Jackson. I kid you not there have been two pedestrians struck by vehicles over the past month. One was only yesterday. This terrifies me. It's bad to cross when walking, but almost more intimidating on a bike. Bikes cut down the commute from 20 minutes to ~5. This is great. But its hard to decide where to ride. Nobody rides on the street here, but the sidewalks can get very congested and I find myself riding on people's lawns. Nobody seems to mind, but I don't care for it. Biking is very popular around campus, which means the number of places to park and lock up your bike is limited. Fortunately, there doesn't seem to be an issue with locking your bike to any permanent structure, such as fences, light posts, or even benches. I plan to take full advantage of this.
Construction. Blows. Big time. I was hoping to escape the chaos of construction (Reedsburg has torn up half of the town). I was wrong. Elmwood, Algoma, and High Ave. are all being repaved, and, even in one case, rerouted. They were supposed to be done by the time the semester started. I can tell you they are not, nor do they seem to be anywhere near. These are the three major roads that run through campus, and its almost impossible to get anywhere without taking one. I have to cross Elmwood everyday, which is the worst out of them all. Half is sort-of paved, the other half is gravel, all the sidewalks are torn up every other square. I literally had to get off my bike and walk it across the street today because there was no safe place to cross that would not result of me falling off, flipping on my face, or some other disaster. I'm sure I look like a moron, but I've had gravel in joints before and its NOT fun. Not to mention that these are HUGE pieces of gravel- like the size of baseballs (granted, not all are, but enough to make it scary).
I'm lonely. I'm sad. I'm homesick. I was fine for a bit, but Kels is having a hard time and it shows, and it has started to rub off on me. I'm happy to be on my own, but its hard to make friends. I'm not thoroughly outgoing and it seems like groups have already formed. Either I'm in classes with freshman, who went through orientation together and have bonded, or in upper level courses with people who have been together for a while. This is especially true in my holocaust class. Everyone has a buddy. I don't. I'm confused on personal issues too, but I'll save that for another night. Or never. We'll see. And to top it all off, my window a/c unit is possessed. It makes the weirdest, creepiest, loudest noise when it kicks it in. It's also right next to my desk, so I have to turn it off when I'm working in here. Its a giant pain.
*Pictures- Left: Me pausing for a vanity shot in the bathroom while photographing my apartment one night. Right: Kelsey attempting to silence the jumping washer one day when I made a comment about it sounding like it was about to explode.
Bikes. Well, my house is 5 blocks from the closest building on campus, which equates to a 15-25 minute walk depending on where I'm headed and how busy traffic is. I cross two busy streets, the first being Jackson. I kid you not there have been two pedestrians struck by vehicles over the past month. One was only yesterday. This terrifies me. It's bad to cross when walking, but almost more intimidating on a bike. Bikes cut down the commute from 20 minutes to ~5. This is great. But its hard to decide where to ride. Nobody rides on the street here, but the sidewalks can get very congested and I find myself riding on people's lawns. Nobody seems to mind, but I don't care for it. Biking is very popular around campus, which means the number of places to park and lock up your bike is limited. Fortunately, there doesn't seem to be an issue with locking your bike to any permanent structure, such as fences, light posts, or even benches. I plan to take full advantage of this.
Construction. Blows. Big time. I was hoping to escape the chaos of construction (Reedsburg has torn up half of the town). I was wrong. Elmwood, Algoma, and High Ave. are all being repaved, and, even in one case, rerouted. They were supposed to be done by the time the semester started. I can tell you they are not, nor do they seem to be anywhere near. These are the three major roads that run through campus, and its almost impossible to get anywhere without taking one. I have to cross Elmwood everyday, which is the worst out of them all. Half is sort-of paved, the other half is gravel, all the sidewalks are torn up every other square. I literally had to get off my bike and walk it across the street today because there was no safe place to cross that would not result of me falling off, flipping on my face, or some other disaster. I'm sure I look like a moron, but I've had gravel in joints before and its NOT fun. Not to mention that these are HUGE pieces of gravel- like the size of baseballs (granted, not all are, but enough to make it scary).
I'm lonely. I'm sad. I'm homesick. I was fine for a bit, but Kels is having a hard time and it shows, and it has started to rub off on me. I'm happy to be on my own, but its hard to make friends. I'm not thoroughly outgoing and it seems like groups have already formed. Either I'm in classes with freshman, who went through orientation together and have bonded, or in upper level courses with people who have been together for a while. This is especially true in my holocaust class. Everyone has a buddy. I don't. I'm confused on personal issues too, but I'll save that for another night. Or never. We'll see. And to top it all off, my window a/c unit is possessed. It makes the weirdest, creepiest, loudest noise when it kicks it in. It's also right next to my desk, so I have to turn it off when I'm working in here. Its a giant pain.*Pictures- Left: Me pausing for a vanity shot in the bathroom while photographing my apartment one night. Right: Kelsey attempting to silence the jumping washer one day when I made a comment about it sounding like it was about to explode.
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